Cooties
by Bitch Slap Love
Summary: On Dib’s sixth birthday he gets an unexpected surprise. Slight!ZaDR


Disclaimer: Do not own them.

Title: Cooties

Summary: On Dib's sixth birthday he gets an unexpected surprise. Slight!ZaDR

Warnings: Yaoi Cussing PWP (Kinda)OOC

Character Warnings: Old(er)!Zim Child!Dib

Couple: Very slight ZimDib

Written By: Shino

Inspired By: A Pic by BrokenDeathAngel on DA and her request for someone to write an Old(er)!Zim Child!Dib story.

Comments: Augh, I haven't enough talent to do something for someone so amazing at drawing. :ANGST:

Note: I use the word queer but not to say something is 'gay' I use it as its definition. So please, try not to snigger when you read it. Thank you.

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Cooties

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Dib skipped happily through the trees, today was his birthday, and he was now six years old.

His party was over and his Dad had already tucked him in to bed, not that that had stopped him from sneaking down stairs and going to the woods. Nope.

Dib LOVED the woods. He felt safe in the woods. So what better way is there, to spend his birthday, then in the woods?

As Dib meandered around in no order, just listening to the sounds and seeing the occasional fox, or other night creature, in the pale light of the moon, he heard a groan. He stopped, listened and heard it again, along with the rustling of a bush.

He tiptoed over to the moving bush, stuck his head through and looked for the source of the noise.

The first thing he noticed was twitching black boots with an assortment of buckles and zippers adorning them, which, in turn, were connected to black clothed legs, then came a bright pink shirt, that was split up both sides –for reasons Dib's little mind couldn't think of- and the front half was resting between the persons -?- legs. Another groan and the body shifted, its face now exposed in some light. Dib gasped excitedly. It was green!

At Dib's noise the person– thing sprang up, head turning every which way trying to spot the intruder.

Dib squeaked in surprise and feel back, gazing up at the very, very tall per–. . thing.

The thing's head dropped and looked at Dib, blinking bright –almost glowing- red eyes. It spoke to him, in a very guttural language, leaving Dib confused and awed.

"Are you an ALIEN?" He asked still sitting, not realizing the potential danger he could be in.

The red, glowing eyes seemed to go blank and it looked like lights were flashing behind them. "Human." It spoke slowly, as if it had never spoken in its life. "What is your . . . name?"

Dib jumped up, pleased that the thing was speaking with him. "My name's Dib and I turned six today! Are you an Alien?"

The 'Alien' took a step back when the short human sprang, expecting an attack. "'Ale-e-in'?" Its eye flashed again before he nodded. "Yes, I am what a human would call and 'Aleein'." It squatted down, eyeing Dib warily. "'Dib'-thing. Can you answer some. . Questions?"

Dib clapped his hands gleefully. "What kind of Alien are you? Do you have a name?" He leaned forward eagerly.

It leaned back a bit. "Hnn, I am an Irken. My name?" The Alien looked thoughtful. "I was Invader 786209-CG4 but now I am Tallest. I do not have a 'name'; I am not like a human. Now may I ask you questions?"

Dib pouted. "Everyone needs a name. You can ask me questions if I can give you a name."

The 'Irken' looked at Dib with curiously. "Fine. What is my 'name' to be then?"

Dib thought for a moment. "Zim!"

"Okay," It –Zim- replied. "Now questions for the Dib-human. How many other humans live on this planet, 'Earth'?"

Dib grinned. "Billions and billons!" He put his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth.

"'Bill-i-ons'?" His eyes flickered. "Oh, I understand. Fine, what are humans made out of?"

"Uh." Dib put a finger to his lips, brows furrowing. "I don't know. I just know that we're mainly water. Then the rest is tissue and blood I guess."

The Irken- Zim shifted back and ended up falling. "Water? But water is an acidic substance. How can you live with it in your body?" Zim crossed his legs in an orderly fashion and laid his hands in his lap, looking very composed.

Dib giggled and plopped down also. "Water isn't acid silly. Acid is acid." Dib noticed two black stalks coming from the top of Zim's head. "Ooo! You have antennas!"

Zim looked confused and let his 'antennas' flick forward, in front of his eyes. "These?" I wiggled them up and down. "No, not 'ehn-ten-ahs' they are my lekku."

Dib reached out his small hands and touched the tip before Zim pulled back. "Awww!" Dib whined, tears gathering in his eyes. "But I wanna touch them!"

Zim opened one eye further then the other. "You can touch them after I ask question. If I am satisfied with your answers, that is."

Dib pouted and rubbed at his eyes. "Fine." He crossed his arms and glared cutely at the ground.

"How do you, humans, create smeets?" Zim asked with a slight hesitation, lekku flipping backwards.

Dib looked up at him. "'Smeets'? What's that?" He seemed to forget his frustration.

Zim noted how easily humans were distracted and his eyes flashed again. "'Babies'?" Such a queer word. Hmm, though 'Earth' was a rather queer planet.

"Babies!" Dib giggled and stretched out his short legs. "The stork brings them!"

The lights flashed and Zim looked confused. "A 'bird' brings you your offspring? That's . . . strange. So, then your species does not reproduce?"

Dib looked confused. "Are you talking about produce? Food?"

"No," Zim went blank and his eyes flashed for a while, long enough for Dib to think the Alien had died or something. "Wait, your species does reproduce. Hmmm, you're a very inadequate source of information. You are too young, I guess, to know a lot."

Dib pouted again. "What does 'reproduce' mean?"

Zim sighed. "Your race calls it 'sex'."

"Oh!" Dib giggled. "That's grooooooss. Ewwwwww!" Dib stuck out his tongue despite not really understanding what the topic was completely about.

"What?" Zim looked confused. "But you're race seems to revolve around it. Do you mean to tell me you do not like it?"

"NO!" Dib was appalled but grinning. "Girl have cooties! I'm never ganna kiss a girl!" He stuck out his tongue again. "Do YYYOOOOUU kiss girls?" He leaned forward studying Zim. "OR are you a girl?"

Zim leaned back a bit. "No, I am not of the female gender. I am male. And no I do not 'kiss' girls. I am Tallest I have no time for such things. Plus, my race does not play sucker fish with everyone like yours does."

Dib giggled. "You've never kissed a girl." He teased, neither had he but that didn't matter, he was only six, the Alien was older then him. At least Dib thinks he is. "How old are you?"

Zim scoffed. "I am 134 in human years, and yes, I have never kissed a 'girl' nor have I kissed a 'boy'. As I said. I have no time for such petty affairs."

"Whoa." Dib's eyes widened. "You're one hundred and thirty FOUR? You're old."

"I am not. I'm the youngest Tallest my race has ever had. I'm merely in my 'teens'." Zim crossed his arms. "Well, you have not answered any of my questions and I have said too much to you, even if you are young. Hmm," Zim eyed the human. "But you have amused me so you may ask three more questions before I leave." He raised one claw –which Dib 'ooo'd at- and wiggled it. "But, I can refuse to answer if I so choose."

Dib nodded, reached out and grabbed the Irken's hand. When it wasn't pulled away from his grasp he pulled it closer, marveling at it. It only had four fingers including the thumb! And! They were all hard at the end and made to a point! Like claws. "I wish I had claw fingers, tha'd be cool." Dib grinned and looked up at Zim. "Uh, what's a 'Tallest'? You mentioned that a few times."

"The 'Tallest' is what my race calls our leaders. I am their leader right now so that is my 'rank'." Zim smiled slightly at the human's obvious astonishment over his hand. "Two questions left."

Dib thought carefully, still running his little hands over the Aliens big one. "May I see your 'lekku' again?"

Zim thought for a moment, then thinking there was no harm in it, flicked them forward and was slightly disappointed when his hand was dropped, but it quickly vanished when soft fingers started running over his lekku.

"They're so cool." Dib continued petting then asked his final question. "What are they for? Your antennas?"

"My leeeekkkuuuu." Zim's eyes had slipped closed before he drawled this, a deep rumbling emitting from his throat. "Keep touching them like that and you will find out."

Dib was confused. "What way? And . . . . are you purring? Are you a cat? Why does your face look all funny? Like the people's faces from the shows my dad always turns off if they come on?"

Zim managed a growl amidst his 'purr's. "You have already asked your three questions."

"But!" Dib cried, forgetting about the antenna drooping between his fingers. "I wanna know why they look like that and why my dad always turns them off!" Dib pouted and crossed his arms.

Zim reached out on impulse and pulled the small human into his lap. "How about I _show_ you why they look like they do and your 'parental' figure turns them off, hmm?" Zim paused for a moment. "Oh, and what my lekku are for, too." His lekku sagged a bit further as he leaned down so he was eye level with the Dib, and they brushed his forehead.

That got Dib excited. "Okay!" He bounced in the Aliens lap, not at all scared. He reached back up, not knowing what to expect, and played with Zim's antennas again.

Zim hesitated. This wasn't good, he was Tallest, he shouldn't be here, he had giving too much away about his race and now he's about to do something that was not only bestiality but also pedophilia, if he were human that is. But the look on the human's face and the feelings his lekku were giving him pushed everything away and he leaned closer, brushing his green lips against the boy's small mouth.

Dib's eyes widened. "Zim?" He couldn't understand what a kiss had to do with the looks on the peoples face or Zim's antenna.

Zim stalled again then pressed more fully, blanking for a moment while images of different human things flashed in front of his eyes.

Dib 'hmm'd in uncertainty but didn't feel like the situation was bad. His fingers slowed a bit though, just barely brushing against the thin stalks.

"Keep petting or else you will not get your answers." It was said softly, against the human's lips. Zim was still angry at himself but he couldn't find the strength to pull away. In a way, he found this rather comical and chuckled.

Dib went back to petting the Irken's antennas not sure why the Alien was just sitting there pressing their lips together but nothing else, or why the other had laughed. He slid his fingers further down the stalks, suddenly wanting to know how they connected to Zim's head.

Zim's 'purr'ing grew louder as small fingers rubbed around the base of his lekku and he unconsciously reacted. He lightly bit the human's bottom lip, and put his hands on the boy's small hips.

Dib gasped and his hands stopped. He just got bit. What is he supposed to do now? And what is that funny feeling in his stomach? But, Dib still wanted to know why people looked the way they did on TV though so he started rubbing again, just a bit more cautiously. Maybe Zim bit him because he had hurt him somehow? All Dib knew was that there was a cut on his lip and instinctively licked it.

Zim's sharp teeth broke the fragile skin on accident and his thin stripped tongue darted out, tasting Dib's blood and touching their tongues together. It was hot and burned, enough so for Zim to stop but at the same time it was exciting. Dib retraced his tongue quickly. Zim slid his tongue past slightly parted lips, and into the human's mouth after it.

Dib was more then confused now. Maybe this was a bad idea and he should run away. Then, something foreign entered his mouth and he froze. Dib had heard about this. It was called 'Frenching' and the teenagers always bragged about to the little kids. They always talked about kissing girls and how great it was, but girls had cooties. Dib and his friend wouldn't TOUCH them, let alone KISS them. Girls had cooties. But, not boys. . . Right?

This is bad, bad, bad. He could be picking all sorts of deadly aliments just by doing this, so why was he not stopping? Zim's tongue probed different aspects of the human mouth, dull teeth, -thin in front of the mouth, broad in the back- the human tongue, -wide and soft- and that queer burning. Why did the human mouth burn his tongue so much?

Dib whimpered, hands dropping from the antenna and clutching the front of Zim's shirt. Why did this feel so funny and yet, not bad? Dib still couldn't understand why the Irken was doing this but he wasn't exactly about to stop him, but he did want some air.

Zim retraced his tongue into his own mouth and leaned back a bit; taking in the human's flushed face and erratic breathing.

Dib opened his eyes slowly -he couldn't remember closing them- and stared at Zim with half-lidded, clouded eyes, half-hoping Zim would kiss him again.

Zim watching the boy curiously, wondering why his eyes were so hazy but didn't question it. "So," He drawled, wondering why he was stalling. "Do you understand now?" He went to pat the humans shoulders when he realized that, at some point, his hands had slid under the humans coat and under his blue shirt, just to rest comfortably on the boy's hips, tracing small Irken letters on the skin.

Dib nodded, even though he didn't completely understand the question. Did he understand what now?

"Good," Zim was staring down at his traitorous hands, but not retracing them yet. Part of him –the part he wasn't acknowledging at the moment- marveled at the soft texture of the Dib's skin. "I should go; my planet needs me and all. Operation Impending Doom is starting up soon." That sounded so incredibly wrong, and it left a bad taste in his mouth but he ignored it and flashed a wide, crooked grin, showing off curved interconnected teeth. "Thank you for the information Dib-human. It will help when we come to take over your planet." Zim's right eye twitched, he'll just pretend he didn't say that.

Dib looked up and Zim, haze leaving his eyes. "Yea, I need to go too . . . my dad might check in on me and notice I'm gone." His hands dropped and he suddenly felt older for some reason. Like something the Irken had said was going to affect him later in life.

Zim pulled his hands away also and stood, helping the human. "Thank you for the information, again, human." He turned, happy to start putting distance between him and the creature that made him do things he never would have dreamed of.

"Wait!" Dib said loudly, surprising himself. "Will I ever see you again? I don't see Aliens often, you know. Plus, your anten- uh, lekku are really cool and I'd like to touch them again." Dib wouldn't realize till he was older how bad that statement sounded.

Zim nodded stiffly, not turning, just stopping. "I will be back, probably in an Earth decade or so. Maybe sooner if all goes according to plan." He turned his head and looked over his shoulder. "Thank you for the name . . . human.

Dib smiled childishly. "You're welcome!" He grinned and waved, before turning around and skittering off himself.

Zim paused, his hand rising despite himself. He stopped it, dropping it back down to his side and chuckled. "Bye." He started walking to the ship he had landed a few yards away. "Dib."

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_Five Years Later_

A metal arm set a bright green –brighter then most- smeet on the floor before taking a Pak that had been set off to the side. It fitted it to the small smeets back, sent a bolt of electricity through the device, and made it shirk, to fit better, before eyelids sprang open revealing dull grey eyes.

"Ugh, doesn't look like its going to work. Let's go and just throw it out! We shouldn't listen to his request, WE'RE Tallest now."

"Shut up. I've heard it takes a moment for all the information to get sorted out when you use a Pak that belonged to another."

Just then, red slowly filled the smeets eyes, glowing brighter and brighter in a matter of seconds. It blinked slowly, information flashing behind its eyes quickly, telling the brain different information that was necessary. After a moment a series of beeps emitted from the Pak then all went silent.

A tall red Irken slid out of the shadows, a purple one flowing sullenly.

The smeet instantly jerked its head in the direction of the two.

"Hello little smeebe." The purple Irken said in a fake sugary voice, glaring.

The red one smacked the Irken across the face. "Show respect to our former Tallest." But it had a similar hated look twisting its features. "State your rank."

The smeet stood slowly and regarded the two with unblinking eyes. "I was," The voice was high and at first the two doubted that it worked and the small Irken would have to be scrapped. "Invader 786209-CG4," They grimaced, the voice wasn't right but the information was. "Then Tallest, but now," The smeet grinned in a very familiar way. "I am Zim."

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I AM NOT SETTING THIS UP TO BE A STORY!

Just thought it was be fun to write that, let peoples imaginations go wild.

Lawlz

:grins:

Yep, now I leave you. :bows:

Though, I am thinking of working this into a story. I'll have to go over it with my Diblet and see if she's cool with it.

So this may pop up in one of my stories.

Though, it'll prolly be a more condensed version, seeing how I think has some rule about using the same thing twice. IDK ;;

If something doesn't make sense to you ask me I'll try to explain. O;;

:whisper: 43 words away from three thousand 

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